Submitted by Wofgang von Crescendo, court composer

This is the recipe for one of Wolfgang’s famous New Year’s Eve flaming desserts.

  • First, take a large swig of cheap rum (right from the bottle), and yell, “noo proooblem, mon!”
  • While humming the tune “Jamaica Farewell", peel eight very large bananas and split lengthwise.
  • Cut split bananas in half or quarters (to your liking) and lay flat-side down in a well-buttered glass baking dish.
  • Cover bananas with 1 cup (plus a smidgen) of light brown sugar and add dollops of butter or margarine (1/2 cup or one stick total).
  • While whistling the Banana Boat Song, peel a small lime into a single long rind and save for garnish.
  • Squeeze juice of lime over bananas.
  • Heat 1/2 cup of brandy in microwave for no more than 1 minute.
  • Sprinkle 2 teaspoons of ground allspice over the entire mess.
  • Put ingredients into a 350 degree oven for 30 minutes, basting very 5-10 minutes.
  • Between basting, preparer(s) may take additional swings of cheap rum at his or her discretion.
  • After baking for 25 minutes add 1/2 cup of rum during final basting.
  • Preparer(s) should now chug down 2 cups of very strong coffee before proceeding.
  • When one minute of baking time is left (and after coffee is consumed), heat 1/2 cup of rum in microwave for no more than one minute.
  • Remove baking pan from oven, add lime rind garnish, set on table (use hot mats, of course) and dim room lights. While wearing hot mitts (and an asbestos suit if available), carelessly light heated rum and pour over bananas. Let rum burn for 30 seconds or less and blow out flames. Serve over vanilla ice cream.
  • If the table catches on fire, take another large swig of rum, spew it on the flames and yell, “noo proooblem, mon!”

Note - this recipe serves 14 potential first-degree burn victims.